A letter to my Buddamma.....

Hey Buddamma,
Today I went to Doctor (Dr.Nailor). As you know, I've been following special diet and instructions to control sugars. Fortunately, they are under control though near to the upper boundary levels. My aim is to get the fasting sugars below 90 and after meal sugars below 125. So far, fasting sugar levels are between 93-95 and after meal it's below 135 (most of the time below 130). I've to follow few more guidelines for this week again and have to call doctor on
Thursday (i.e.27th Aug 2009) to report the sugars. If at all, I couldn't control, I've to take insulin shots and other tablets which I don't want. Buddamma, you are my motivation, don't want to give you medicines or any diseases...Want to give you happy and healthy life. I'll do whatever I can to avoid this situation.
After discussing the sugar levels, the most interesting part has come, guess what!! It's UltraSound :) Yes, after long time, we are having this ultra sound almost after 4months. More than me, your dad is so excited. For him, Scanning is the only motivation to come with me. Dad loves you so much. He started showing us how you are doing. Laddamma, this time you are not sleeping, inface very active. You are playing hide and seek with doctor's ultrasound. Everytime, he's trying to see with the stick, you either hide or run away to a different corner :):)
I felt very happy to hear that you are doing good. We were so excited to see your face laddamma. You are showing us your face, oh my baby! such a cute, innocent, I can't take my eyes from that screen. I just asked the doctor to give me that photo. Ofcourse, we've a dvd with all the photos in different angles and definetly, this one is going to be very special for us. We are just trying to imagine whom you look like but ofcourse I couldn't figure out but your Dad is saying that you got my nose. Today, I'll send your photos to your grand ma and Pinni as they are
also very excited to see you :-)

All their blessings and wishes are with you.

Gestational Diabetes!?:(...

It's been long time since I've been regularly updating the blog. I've been diagnised with Gestational Diabetes. I was upset with the news and couldn't deal with it immediately. Worrying about the baby, couldn't concentrate properly on work also (luckily didn't have any immediate release). I could share the news with my husband immediately since we both work in same office. He also got the bad news about PSO. He was also so upset. I wish he could come out of that very soon because this issue is there since long time, nearly 2years. Only difference is he finally went to Dr. for check up and his doubt was confirmed. Deep in my heart, I was wishing it shouldn't be PSO because he'll be terribly upset. But anyways, PSO was confirmed. I was searching over net for ayurvedic and natural treatments of PSO and come across some food items. Did some search on Gestational Diabetes also and going thru all the information got scared. Too many doubts and too many questions pondering my head. It took me few hours to digest the fact. Immediately took appointment with nutrionist which I got only after 2days. By evening, I'm set to face the fact. I said to myself, no matter how tough it would be, I'm going to take it, all I want is healthy baby. I want my kid to be healthy, smart and have better future. "GOD only helps one who helps oneself"... The first thing I started from that evening onwards is cutting down on rice and sugars. Tue and wedbesday were tough days for me waiting to meet nutritionist and worrying about the baby. I couldn't sleep properly in the nights also. Just praying GOD for good. My husband was trying to assure me that everything will be fine, not to worry. Finally the awaited Thursday has come and went to meet her. After seeing the numbers and talking to her, I'm so much relieved. She gave me guidelines to follow for the next 2 months and Accucheck-Aviva to monitor the blood sugar levels 4 times throughout the day. Most of the stuff she has told me is what I'm following after going over net and talking to friends with similar problem. It's mainly diet and excercise. I kept following the same strictly. Today (Friday), I tested for my blood sugar level and it's 96!! I'm so happy, ofcourse want to see below 90 but
96 is not a bad number. I'm just following the guidelines and praying GOD to give me enough strength. Being pregnant, craving for different food items and wishing to sleep more hours is common. I'm just trying to control cravings. It's taking long time for me to prepare food and washing all the boxes (ofcourse, every day for 4 dishes, can't do dish washer). I wish I could get some help. I'm so upset with the way things are going. Despite all, I'm happy for one thing.
My husband is trying to come out for a walk with me in the evening. I'm so happy with this.
I'm trying to complete all the tasks by myself. Hopefully, over the weekend, I'll come up
with a schedule for a week for what to eat and keep most of the things ready. That way, I can save some time and get more sleep and rest. I planned to read to my daughter daily for 30 to 60mins which is good for her brain development. I'm talking to my baby on morning walk.
She's my companion for my morning walk (ofcourse in all the walks :-)). Fresh breeze, bloossming flowers, soil smell and birds voice brings fresh energy to me. I can tell my little one is also enjoying it. Today, I told her about the flowers, how people are working out in gym...

My Anxieties..........

These last two days were not so awesome. I kept worrying about my sugar levels most of the
time. My husband explained me for a long time not to worry as it may effect the baby. I'm little bit better now but not completely convinced. Monday is the test again. Fri, Sat, and Sun, I've to take carbohydrates and sunday after 12Am should go on fasting till 8AM. The nurse will draw blood at 8AM once after having Glucola second time and again after an hour twice. So total 4 times in 3 hours. If 2 results are abnormal (i.e. sugar levels are higher) I'm confirmed with gestational diabetes). I want to have a healthy baby. I too want to be healthy to see my baby growing healthy and happily. I should be there for her in thick and thin. I've so many dreams for my baby. Want to see her growing, and her tooty language, calling us "Amma" and "Nanna", taking her intial steps holding to me, walking straight growing into adult, handling her own life, her marriage....many dreams.
GOD, please don't deprive me of all these happenings.

This Monday (08/10/2009) is big day for me. I've been reading about gestational diabetes from net and part of the description is very scary, makes me gloomy and more worried. I've lost trust in my doctor. I've given my blood test last week (07/29/2009) and I was told that I'm completely normal and don't need to worry about my sugar levels at all. But after seeing some problems like nausea and sweating, called up the nurse. Then they were telling me that I'm on the upper boundary level and have to go for test again. What the hell!! Haven't been called them, what would happen!!! I'm so scared thinking of this. Have to suffer silently or what? In India, I could change the doctor whenever I want. It's not a problem at all. But here again insurance, getting dr's appointment with new doctor takes longer.

A scary day in my pregnancy

From the last 3days, almost from Sunday, there are changes in my body. Suddenly it gets cold, sweatening happens, nausea and dizziness follows. Sometimes bowel movement also. First I thought it might be low blood pressure (as my father had it) but with increasing intake of salt also, it's the same situation. So I called up my doctor and asked what could be the reason. I'm so shocked after hearing her!! My blood sugar levels are on the boundary level i.e. 135 and above 135 is considered to be gestational diabetes. I've been eating rice and fruits without hesitation from the past 1 week. GOD! I'm so worried about my baby now. Please take care of my daughter... Also, I'm running less on iron levels. I became anemic inspite of taking good amount of iron tablets. Worried, shocked, nervous mixed feelings after hearing this. I'm just praying GOD to have a healthy baby. I'm asked to come to their office on monday for another round of blood tests.

Also, another bad news today. My husband went to scalp test last week and his results are also out. He's diagnised with Pso and I couldn't see his face also. He's so depressed upon hearing this. So far, we are good and by God's grace didn't have any problems. But slowly started all these diseases! I've decided to change my life style and now it's up to my husband to change it or not!!! For the family, I hope he'll change. I've already started going for a walk daily and now starting yoga also. I'm avoiding rice and taking bitter guard juice. Hopefully, this will control my sugar level! I'm just looking forward for Monday and hoping to hear a good news.

Shopping list...

Today I've started preparing the shopping list for the baby and me. OMG! the list is
so big and it goes on and on.... Also, estimated the cost for the first year and it's
going to be around 15000$ and with parents tickets and gifts, it's going to be 25000$.
I'm almost faint...Such a small baby needs so much money. What I've to do for her college.
I think I've to do double jobs.
Sometimes I get scared thinking how I'm going to raise her. Can I become good mom!!!
This is ofcourse a million dollar question for me right now :):)
Some of my collegues are also due in November and December. In office, now a days,
wherever you see, it's all baby's talk because in the last 2 years only most of the
employees had babies and I'm one among the last batch.

For the next 2 weeks, my activities are pretty much planned. Next week, saturday one
birthday party is there and later going to Home depot to get bamboo (finally, I took
strong decision). Sunday, going for baby shopping. By the next month, I should finish
baby shopping and keep my bag ready. My home is almost ready to welcome baby. Now I want
to sell the dining table to have more space. Once baby comes, I would need big space.